As Forest’s Momma used to say… “Life is like a box of
chocolates. You never know what you’re
gonna get”. To prove her point, it seems
like this year life has been handing out a disproportionate share of the
chocolates with the whipped orange goo inside.
We’ve filled one with
dog shit… just to keep you on your toes.
The evidence…
I might as well have stayed in bed the month of January. Come to think of it, I did. A nasty sinus infection messed with my
equilibrium keeping me horizontal most of the time. After many trips to the doctor for CT scans,
MRIs and other peeks inside my skull, it was determined that I needed sinus
surgery. Boy was that refreshing. Actually the surgery itself was not that bad
(because I was out like a light during the procedure). It’s during the post-surgery follow up
appointments where the fun began. I won’t
go into details, but I will say that if it ever comes down to it… I know I could
smuggle salad tongs, my Dish Network remote, and a set of car keys through
customs by simply jamming them all up my nose.
I’m always losing
those things.
Then, indoor soccer season started.
After not exercising since the Reagan administration, it
look my body a while to get used to playing again. Who am I kidding? My body never got used to it. In fact, sometime during the late summer I
believe my body began rejecting the notion of exercise (like a patient
rejecting a body full of really old, “new” organs). But here’s my question… how is it possible to
pull and strain every muscle in my legs… when there were apparently so few
muscles in my legs to begin with?
Hey… let’s throw in kidney stones.
As I mentioned in a recent blog, I also had the pleasure of
dealing with kidney stones not long ago.
For more of that adventure, read here.
Needless to say, they weren’t very fun but what the heck, I’d already
met my deductible for the year… why not throw in another surgery. Nothing else could go wrong, right?
Dramatic pause…
Again… it’s the post-surgery visits where they get you. During a post kidney stone visit, my doctor informed
me that they had found something “unexpected” in my urine sample. If you ask me, he shouldn’t really have been
looking at my pee that closely (I mean, come on. That’s weird… right?). But because that’s his thing, and he needs to
make a living, he did. To add insult to
injury, he then recommended I undergo a procedure called a cystoscopy. I encourage any of you who don’t know what a
cystoscopy is to look it up. Go
ahead. I’ll wait. For those of you who have experienced this
little slice of heaven… the next time we meet, the beer’s on me.
So anyway… I’m happy to report that everything is fine (except I can never look my urologist in the eye again). The problem is, there are still 6 weeks left before
the end of the year. What else could go wrong?
