Wet Paint

Welcome to the third and final entry in my "here's how, not why I make toys" series of blogs.  The past two posts regarding body building and sewing continue to be popular (I know, I don't get it either).  So to wrap things up, I'd like to discuss my favorite part of the process... painting heads.

Why is painting heads my favorite part?  Because contrary to popular belief, you don't need to have a lot of skill to pull this off.  Any monkey can do it well as long as they have the right tools, possess a relatively steady hand, and follow these simple steps...

1.  Buy painting stuff

your colors may vary

Typically I paint cast resin parts.  Because of that, the paint of choice is acrylic.  My favorite brand is Delta Ceramcoat.  I find it has the best consistency for this scale (not too runny and not too thick).  I bought mine at Michaels Craft back in the day.  I assume they still sell it there.  The last time I was in the store they had moved everything around and two blue-haired old ladies were standing between me and what I thought was the right stuff (so I'm not 100%).   

You'll also need brushes.  I always try to have a few "spotter" brushes handy.  They have very few bristles and come to a sharp point (my favorite size is 10/0).  You'll need these for the fine, detail work.  They stay sharp for about 2-3 heads and then they begin to dull.  Keep them around because oftentimes you'll need a brush that's a little less sharp.  You'll also need some larger brushes (the bristles on the head of the brush should be no more than 1/4" wide).  These will come in handy when you need to cover larger areas. 

And because of my slowly deteriorating eyesight (from painting these damn, tiny heads), I use a lighted magnifier to make everything a little easier.

2.  Flesh coat baby

don't drink the water

(NOTE:  I don't prime my heads.  If they were cast properly, you shouldn't have to either.  I tried it a few times and the primer diminished the detail of the sculpt).  I know earlier I said that I like the consistency of the Delta Ceramcoat.  That's true, but with one exception... putting down the flesh coat.  In order to get the smoothest flesh base I can, I thin out the paint with a couple drops of water.  I then slop on 3-4 coats with my bigger brush.  In the series of pictures below, I started with the base resin head.  The next picture is after one thin coat of paint (looks like ass, doesn't it).  The third picture is after 4 thin coats.  By this point you should have smooth, brushstroke-free, coverage. 

of course, if you can cast in a flesh color... you'll skip this part

3.  It's in the eyes

It's critical to get the eyes right.  If you nail this part, the whole head comes to life.  The first thing I like to do is paint in a thin, black line along the top lid of each eye (here's where the 10/0 brush comes in handy).  After that's done, I immediately paint in the whites of the eyes.  It's also useful to keep some flesh paint handy.  If you happen to go full Michael J. Fox at this point, you can touch up and no one will ever know.

hey, that's kind of cool

Next up, the iris.  I typically use an older 10/0 brush to paint it in.  If you're lucky, you can land a big round drop of color perfectly in the middle of each eye like so...    

I'm lucky about 4% of the time

Next, I add the pupils.  It's the same drill as the iris, but the dot is a little smaller.  This step can either take 5 seconds or 2 hours.  Lining the dots up in the same plain is easier said than done.  But don't worry if you make a mistake.  You can always paint back over with your iris color and start again.  (I remember showing the first head I had painted that I was really proud of to my Mom.  She took one look and said... "oh, he's cross-eyed".  Nice).

Oh look... he's NOT cross-eyed!

The last step is to add the "glinty" white speck.  Just like the pupil was smaller than the iris, the spec on the pupil is tinier still.  This is where you'll need the sharpest brush you have.  This step is a pain in the rear, but it really adds depth and life to your figure.  I usually get one spec perfect on the first try and then try and fail on the second eye for a while.  It's best not to ask me "how's it going" when this happens.

the eyes have it

4. Glorious hair

After the eyes are done, I'm really on the downhill slope.  I grab a small brush and add eyebrows and paint in the hairline.  This allows me to cut in the hairline with precision without ruining my face paint.   After I've painted in the hairline around the head, I grab my larger brush and fill in the rest.

almost done

5.  Sealed with a... noxious chemical

There are few things more frustrating in this hobby than finishing a beautiful paint job and then accidentally scratching the head.  The best way to protect yourself is to use a sealer.  My preferred brand is Testors Spray Lacquer (dull coat).  All of the other dull coats I've tried (spray and brush on) leave the head looking shiny.  This stuff gives me exactly the finish I'm looking for.  And remember, it's still possible to scuff your head after you've sealed it... so be careful.

use in a well ventilated area

Step 6.  Quit... you're done

At this point, your head should be done and look something like this (or completely different if you're painting a different head).  

quit staring at me

Thanks again for humoring me.  We'll talk soon.

Soda Jerk

They say opposites attract.  “They” tend to say a lot of dumb crap, so I usually ignore “they”.  However, in the case of me and my wife… there may be a grain of truth in what "they" say.  The thing is, we’re definitely not complete opposites.  We agree on most major things (where we want to live, how to raise our children, that Superman would totally kick Batman’s ass in a fight, etc.). 

Advantage Kal El

The majority of our “opposite-ness” centers around one topic.  We don’t always see eye-to-eye on the proper disposal of our disposable income.  Until the last few years, this wasn’t a big deal.  The reason being… there was no disposable income.  The problem took care of itself.  But through hard work and diligence, we’ve recently been able to inch ever so slightly into the black.  And of course when I say “hard work and diligence”, I mean her hard work and diligence.  And by “in the black” I mean not drowning in debt. 

For the first few years of our marriage, I handled the family finances.  I was relieved of those duties during the Great Bossart Financial Coup of 1997 (you may have read about it).  It was a bloodless takeover… really more of a change in management styles.  Regardless… since then she has worked hard to right our financial ship, and I have worked equally hard to tip it over.

Put down the checkbook

Here’s the thing.  My wife is practical.  Point:  The first present my wife (then girlfriend) ever bought me was coasters (you know the $15 items you put under cold drinks to keep them from leaving rings on your $10 coffee table).  That was for Christmas.  A week later on my birthday, she got me salt and pepper shakers (the plastic ones I had been using since college were admittedly too “ghetto”).   Counterpoint:  The first present I remember buying her was a VCR that I really wanted.  That thing was sweet!  As I said… we simply have different styles.

This brings us to a month ago.  Point:  There was a little extra money left over.  After doing significant research and obtaining several competitive bids, my wife decided we needed new gutters on the house.  I wasn’t even aware that we had gutters on our house, but apparently we did… and they needed to be replaced.  Once the decision was made, the operation went smoothly as the old gutters came down and the new gutters went up in less than a day (at a fair and competitive price).  Counterpoint:  Around that same time I bought a 1972 Dr Pepper vending machine off of Craigslist.  And... after owning it for several weeks, not only does it still NOT work… it’s in about 1,000 pieces in our garage waiting for the vending machine fairies to sprinkle it with magic dust and bring it back to life.

You big dummy

Who’s to say who’s right and who’s wrong?  The point I’m trying to make is… she made a really bad decision choosing her life partner… and I forgive her for that.  

Sad Songs

Quick... transport yourself back to the 1970s.  Now, name the "scariest" musical acts you can think of.  And when I say "scary" I mean bands that immediately impressed you with how badass they were... performers you listened to but would be scared shitless to meet in a dark alley.  Think of their music from the period.  It was dark.  It was loud.  It was... scary.

Now think of the moment you heard their first "slow song".  The one that totally ruined their evil, twisted image for you.  You know... the one your girlfriend liked. 

During the 20 year reign of hard rock/heavy metal (early 1970’s to early 1990s) we begrudgingly came to accept power ballads.  But much like the hernia test during a high school physical, we learned to endure them much more than appreciate them.  With some bands they were expected.  Bon Jovi, Poison, Warrant… Journey.  They just gave off THAT vibe (admit it, the first time you saw Steve Perry you thought he was the most unattractive woman you’d ever seen).   With those bands, you could brace yourself for the inevitable acoustic guitar opening followed by some tripe about a lost love or whatever.   It was the slow "songs" from harder edged, "scary" bands that caught us off guard.  They just felt wrong.  Like, oh.. I don't know...

“Beth” – KISS

This song was the B-side of the in-your-face “Detroit Rock City” from the Destroyer album (even the album title was dangerous).  This "filler" track was considered a throw-away by the band, but ended up being their highest charting single... ever!  In fact, "Beth" is the most “celebrated” single in the band’s history... if you consider winning the People’s Choice Award in 1977 for Favorite New Song a reason to celebrate (actually, it didn't even win it outright. It tied with "Disco Duck".  No shit.) 

Yep... they tied.

“You and Me” - Alice Cooper 
1977 was a bad year for fans of hard shocking, rock-n-roll music.  Alice Cooper released this easy listening, Anne Murray-ish “classic” on the album Lace and Whiskey (this must be the “lace” part) to a collective WTF from hardcore fans.   More Alice Smith than Alice Cooper, this song was his last top 10 hit for a dozen years.   But wait, it was a big hit you say.  Cue 12 years of cricket sounds from die hard Alice fans. 

This is what really killed Jim Henson

“When you Wish Upon a Star” – Gene Simmons
Sure, KISS could be forgiven for Beth.  I mean, c'mon.   It was sung by the biggest pussy in the band (he's the Catman, get your mind out of the gutter).   But there's no way the Demon, the God of Thunder himself, would ever make such a mistake.   Except he did. In fact, he made an even bigger one just a year later.

Surely, he jazzed up the arrangement... or "adjusted" the lyrics to something more demon-esque?   Nope... didn't change a thing.   In fact, I'm pretty sure that if he took it to the Battle Rounds, he'd lose to Jiminy Cricket on this one.

play at your own risk

"Nothing Else Matters" – Metallica
Don't think these musical atrocities only happened in the 70s.  This track was released in 1992 on the “none more black” album (you know, the one that had the snake on the cover that you could see only if you tilted the album in exactly the right direction after having your pupils dilated).

Metallica was the one band that could be counted on to crush your skull with rapid fire rhythms and in your face lyrics.  Right?  Well, not any more fat boy.   The good news was, this song gave you time to dump out between the other up-tempo, yet still disappointing, tracks on this disc. 

It just doesn't matter... it just doesn't matter...

"I Ain't No Nice Guy" – Motorhead w/ Ozzy Osborne & Slash
Perhaps the most disappointing of all.   This song had all the earmarks of a heavy metal classic.  Lemmy.   Ozzy.  Slash.  What could go wrong?  Apparently everything.  You’ll find this “soon to be heard on an erectile dysfunction commercial” song on Motorhead’s 1992 album March or Die.  The man who brought us "Ace of Spades", "Eat the Rich" and many other head banging classics was now asking us to embrace his softer side.   I can't.   I keep staring at the mole. 

YOU tell him it sucks man