What's up... Doc?

I'm not a big fan of doctors.  Actually, that's not true.  Doctors themselves are alright.  In fact, most of the ones I've encountered are pretty good dudes/dudettes.  I'm sure there are some who aren't, but I've had uncharacteristically good luck with the ones I've met.  Even more... there are some to which I will be forever indebted (you know who you are). 

I guess what I really don't like is going to the doctor's office.  Well... that's not exactly true either.  Besides the fact that they're usually filled with mutated hordes from the zombie apocalypse, there's nothing inherently wrong with the office itself.  In fact, out of all the places I am forced to sit and wait (oil change, barber shop, jury selection), the doctor's office can be quite pleasant. 

it hurts when I do this

Maybe I don't like going to the doctor because I hate being sick.  Well... duh.  Everyone hates being sick.  Anyway, I really don't get sick often and haven't needed to go to the doctor for that many emergencies.  In my 43 years, I'm still the proud owner of:  my tonsils, my appendix, all my wisdom teeth, and every other organ I was born with (foreskin not included).  I've had a few minor issues, but nothing to get excited about.  Besides stitches for the usual childhood stupidities, my procedures have included two endoscopies, one colonoscopy and a sinus surgery.  But (and I'm not bragging here), they all were performed through "holes" I already had... so I don't even have the scars to prove I was there.

Before we go any further, let me say just a little bit about my doctor... he's awesome.  I've known him for over 25 years.  We graduated high school together.  Back then, he was better than me at... well, everything.  He was better at playing the saxophone (he was first chair and I was second).  He got way better grades than I did (in the harder classes, too).  AND by all accounts he's turned out to be a much more fully developed grownup than me. 

my real doctor is cool enough to know who this is

Keeping all that in mind, I'll go ahead and put this out there.  I think I know what my hesitation is.  You see, the real reason I'm reluctant to visit the doctor is... um... well, how can I put this... okay, I'll just blurt it out... let's just say it may be because of a procedure that rhymes with, oh I don't know... "frostate exam".  There... I said it!  Whew!

See, I'm over 40 now... so I'm due to be checked out.  Plus, there's a family history of issues... so I'm probably overdue.  It's just that at the end of the day... I really don't want to.  I mean, what's to stop him from surprising me with it (not like on the street or anything, but during a normal appointment)?  My biggest fear is him simply walking into the exam room one day wearing lubricated rubber gloves with a "let's get this party started" look on his face.

wanna see a magic trick?

Now some have argued that I chose my doctor for strategic purposes.  Besides his wonderful qualifications as a physician and his impeccable reputation as an individual, I may have had ulterior motives.  Think about it, considering our shared history and our general good feelings toward each other... I'm pretty sure he's looking forward to digging around back there even less than I am.  And you know what?  I'm fine with that.